It’s International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day today, October 15th. This is a special day set aside by Sands Australia to honour all the babies we have lost, through miscarriage, stillbirth or newborn death.
Losing a baby is a deeply traumatic experience. We hope it never happens to us. But if it does, nothing can ever prepare us for the grief, the heart wrenching loss, the black pit of despair and the pain.
When we miscarry, even though our baby was not yet a physical being in our arms, we still held them inside of us, in our wombs, their first home, still became Mothers to them, still held our bellies and opened our hearts and connected with love to the souls who chose us to be their Mammas. When we experience a miscarriage, it can be so devastating that this time around, the journey of the pregnancy and of the baby spirit, is over. Not only is there the physical pain of miscarriage, the emotional pain of our hopes and dreams for our pregnancy and baby ending can be overwhelming. If a D&C is required, we as women go through more trauma, our bodies put through a surgical process at such a vulnerable time.
And then comes the days, weeks, months post miscarriage. Hopefully we have excellent support networks we can reply on as we heal, and do the work to recover, body, mind and soul. This part of the process is different for everyone – whatever it looks and feels like for you, witness and honour all of your emotions…it is so important for the healing. There is no time limit on how long it takes to move through the grief post-miscarriage. It’s a time to be extra kind to yourself, your partner, prioritise self-care, reach out for help anyway you need to and tune into the emotions – processing it all is an important part of the healing process.
When we give birth to a stillborn or lose a newborn, the levels of anguish, grief, pain, trauma and loss are untold. No one can ever really understand this loss unless they have been through it, and even then, every single person’s experience is different. It is a time that people around us may not know what to say or how to be there for us as we are flooded with the grieving process. If you are someone who is supporting a woman or couple who have lost a baby – just be present. It’s ok to not know what to say – just be there, with them, witness them, honour them, see them. Check in on them. Cook them food and leave it in their freezer or in a fridge bag at their doorstep. Offer to clean their house, look after their other children if they have any. Check in on them. All too often, support people feel awkward and don’t know what to do or say so don’t do anything. Do SOMETHING. Let them know you care, show up for them, day after day, week after week, year after year, even. The pain never truly leaves their hearts – they need you to hold the space for them.
As women, when our bodies, minds, hearts, souls, wombs, call in baby spirits to come roost in our bodies, and then there is loss, we can hold this trauma in our wombs. As women our wombs/ hips are emotional storehouses. Even if we seek counseling, talk through our emotions, sometimes this still doesn’t release the trauma our cells and bodies hold.
Trauma has a stagnant energy – it gets stuck in the body. Emotions need to move to be processed – we need to ALLOW the trauma to be released from our wombs, allow movement and flow, for the pain, grief, loss to move through us, and move along.
Women’s Health Massage is a beautiful therapy for exactly this. In my practice I have had the honour of working with women who have experienced this loss. Energetically, with my hands on their wombs, if there is lots of trauma held here, the temperature of the womb is often cool – it can mean there is a block to blood and qi moving through the area freely. There can be lumps and bumps, physical manifestations of stuck trauma. The massage therapy is designed to tune into the womb and energetically witness what is presence. Through physical therapy of massage, the womb receives warmth and fresh blood and qi supply and things are able to move once more. Energetically, holding space for the healing, the beautiful womb is infused with golden light and love and the highest of intentions. During this part of the treatment, the woman can become emotional, as when our bodies finally release stuck trauma, the emotional release can be big too, necessary and cleansing. It is a deeply nurturing and healing modality, perfect for the painful and sensitive time of loss.
If you have experienced pregnancy or infant loss – please know you are NOT alone. Reach out to support networks. Family, friends, health care practitioners, organisations like Sands that exist for this very purpose. Allow yourself to be held, fed, nurtured, cleansed, healed, whatever it takes to allow you to move through the pain.
Tonight at 7pm please light a candle for all the souls of all the babies that we have lost. Send love to all of those who have gone through this pain. They will feel it and they really need it.
Please head to http://www.sands.org.au/find-supportfor more info on this wonderful organisation and all the support they provide from national support telephone lines, local support groups, bereavement support hampers and plenty more.
Sending love to all the wombs of the world.
Big womb blessings,
Kimberley Peters xx
Written by our lovely Kimberley Peters! Kimberley has immersed herself in health, nutrition, fitness and wellness for more than 15 years. Experiencing personal challenges with body image issues from an early age, Kimberley dove into learning about how to live a healthy lifestyle, breakthrough unhealthy patterns of yo-yo dieting, improve her body confidence and live a vitalistic, thriving life.
This path led her to study a Diploma in Fitness which opened the door to a thriving career as a Health Coach/ Personal Trainer where she established her own company and created fitness and wellness programs, working with hundreds of people helping them become their healthiest. Kimberley has also worked with large corporate companies creating workplace health programs, has published articles in some of Australia’s leading fitness/ wellness magazines and created and hosted wellbeing retreats in Seminyak, Bali.
Feeling the call to serve people from a much more powerful platform, Kimberley recently returned to study and is currently in her second year of a Bachelor of Health Science – Traditional Chinese Medicine degree, specialising in acupuncture and herbal medicine. Experiencing the power of TCM from regular treatment since her early 20’s, Kimberley is so excited to learn this beautiful, ancient Eastern medicine and knows it will allow her to help people and impact their lives in a dynamic way. Kimberley is passionate about supporting people on their health journeys using natural medicine and teaching them that their bodies have an innate intelligence that can heal itself.
Kimberley is now diving in even deeper to walk with women and support them along their fertility and health journeys, offering the beautiful modality, fertility and women’s health massage. This is an ancient style of massage blending a nurturing combination of physical, emotional and spiritual techniques to ready your body for conception. A deeply healing and non-invasive therapy, it can help with circulation, hormone balance, womb alignment and scar tissue release. The treatment gently addresses any anxiety arising as a result of your fertility journey, or any trauma, grief or loss you have experienced in the past. This style of massage is also suitable to treat PCOS, endometriosis, uterine fibroids, tilted uterus, painful or heavy bleeds, clotting, irregular cycles, constipation, IBS, Crohn’s or Celiac, as well as generally improving the function of the uterus, ovaries and fallopian tubes. It also offers a release of trauma such as abuse, rape, broken pelvis/sacrum/coccyx, abdominal surgery of any kind, difficult birth, miscarriage or termination.